Heights and Trust

It is no secret that I am deathly afraid of heights.  I am the one who will get to the very top of a structure and freeze.  Not being able to move, I will hold onto something solid and cry.  It often ends with me on my ass, scooting all the way down to the very bottom.  It’s happened at monuments, towers and bridges.  Solid ground is my friend.  

The problem is trust.  Trust is a hard thing.  It seems that I don’t trust those I cannot see very well.  I don’t trust that the engineer who signed off on the structure wasn’t sleep deprived and overworked.  Or that the builder wasn’t a greedy thief and went for cheaper instead of quality so he can pocket the difference.  Has it been build to withstand earthquakes?  Who tested it?  How old is it?  We haven’t had a serious earthquakes in these parts for as long as many of these structures have been in place... who is to say they will still withstand a strong earthquake?  

I worry about heights but the problem isn’t heights, it is trust.  It isn’t easy to trust someone you don’t know.  You grow up hearing stories of people who have cost others’ their lives because of their own greed or negligence.  It scares me.  With the age of Internet, stories such as these are easier and easier to come by.  They might not have grown in frequency, but information is so accessible that it’s had a stronger effect on me than all the self-help books and positive messages we are bombarded with (you know, by the profitable industry that’s teaching us we can’t love ourselves without their help).  

I don’t naturally distrust others.  It’s something that has been learned through spending 30 years on this earth with open ears and eyes.  And I know I am not alone.  

What a very sad reality it is we have to live in.  I surely hope we can change that someday.  Preferably without the use of money making self help programs.